Stockholm Bloodbath (2024)

In a large-scale Hollywood fashion that evokes everyone from Guy Ritchie to Ridley Scott to Quentin Tarantino, Swedish director Mikael Håfström presents the story of two sisters out for some Kill Bill-style revenge. In the year 1520, the Danish King Kristian Tyrann (the always evil Claes Bang) is poised to seize the throne of Sweden with the help of his powerful army. After Anne Eriksson (Sophie Cookson) marries governer Johan Natt Och Dag (Wilf Scolding), the Danes attack their village, killing almost everyone and capturing her new hubby. With the help of her mute sister Freja (Alba August), Anne makes a list of everyone involved, from low-level roughnecks all the way up the ladder to the king himself, and the two go on a vengeful spree that finds them in Stockholm during the real-life, historic massacre of the film’s title. Sophie brings out her corseted cleavage in the bedroom, and speaking of baths, she can be seen having one next to another bathing beauty, Emily Beecham, but none of their beautiful buoys ever break the water’s surface. The only boobage we see are the unnamed naturals of extras during a montage of sex scenes that’ll have your blood rushing to one place and one place only!